Tuesday, March 29, 2011

I went on a trip and now you can read about it.

Some interesting things even happened!

Firstly, shortly after starting my voyage, a wild dog appeared!

Honda Civic used Rollover!

Honda Civic missed!

The Wild Dog ran away!


I did the picture the wrong way, damnit.

My next stop was a terrifying little town called Yahk. This is the place where people go to get murdered.

Firstly, you’re greeted with this sign:


This is a perfectly fine way to enter a town. Welcome to Yahk. Okay, that’s great.

The next sign you see says “Best lip balms on the planet!”

The planet? Really? That’s a lofty claim. I’m no lip balm aficionado, so I didn’t try any, but I’m doubting that it’s the best on the planet.

NEXT SIGN says something along the lines of having the most romantic feeling in the country.

Sure, if you think murder is romantic.

Next sign is on another hotel. It claims that they have “Reasonable Rates.”

ANYWAY, the last sign you see on your way out is this one:


What. The. HELL.

I can honestly say that I don’t want to go back. Also the town has a population of like, 50. 50 people. NOTHING about it makes you want to go back.

It reminds my of the sign for a small town called Midway, whose slogan is “Come to Play, Here to Stay.” The problem is that there is NOTHING in the town.

Anyway, after Yahk I emerged from the mountains, to the fields of Alberta.


Last shot of the mountains before you reach flatland forever. FOREVER.

Nothing about the prairies is notable, except that I got my ‘95 Civic up to 180kph.

After the prairies, I pulled into Calgary, and have been here for a week.

We’ve had artsy moments:


Artsier moments:


And the artsiest moments:


I got Chlamydia in a candy store. =[

Monday, March 21, 2011

Just Making Graphs.

In the vein of all the Graphic Truth articles on College Humour, I’ve decided to make some graphs. A graph. Maybe more later, we’ll see.Makin'Graphs

There’s a joke in there somewhere.

And if that wasn’t enough for today, I’ll just leave this right here.

The default voice of the translator is just so damn funny.

Friday, March 18, 2011

St. Patrick’s Day!

Was yesterday.

It was on a thursday, so I assume all the stumbling is going to happen this weekend.

It was still the day to wear green though, and it reminded me of something from my childhood":

Kids would insist that they were wearing enough green. They’d be wearing all blue, or something, and have just a tiny bit of green on a decal on their shirt, or some green on their shoe. It was obvious that they had totally forgotten about it, and were just making excuses.



Green laces, do not count. That is not clothing. Back off.

And then it got even worse when they would do things like:


Come on. That’s like, 3cm2 of green. There’s no way that counts.

I propose some ground rules. You have to wear a shirt or a hoodie that is at least 90% green.

Green pants are a go, but nobody has green pants because they’re ugly.

Shoes do not count at all. Shoes that are green in their entirety are bonus points.


This might be a little unfair, seeing as how 80% of my clothes are green.

But no, I would still never wear green pants.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

I made a youtube video and you should go and thumb it down.

It's a parody of every bad country song ever written.
It includes trucks, tractors, whiskey, and a dog.
It is probably the most country song you will ever hear.

Be warned, we showed this to our mothers beforehand, and they liked it.

I'm sorry.

Also, I was moving to make the blog posts a bit more steady, thinking every sunday and every wednesday, but it's not working out that way.
You'll just get a post EVERY DAMN DAY until I figure it out.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

The deal with high fives.

This post is not an answer. It is a question.

Earlier this evening, Coey and I were discussing the semantics1 of high fives.

We had short contest to see who could obtain the highest quantity of this bizarre gesture, and during which, we realized that no matter what was occurring, or what had previously occurred, anyone, anywhere would produce the resulting end of a high five.

We discussed different cultures, and how it might be insulting to someone around the world, but I sincerely don’t think a high five can be insulting. I think that pretty much no matter where you are, anyone will give you a high five.

Literally anyone in the world will give you a high five. So, internet: High fives. That is the question2.

And now a short shot back to Pokemon:

When you go into a Pokecenter to heal your Pokemon, they say “We hope to see you again soon!”

Really? You hope my Pokemon get hurt again really soon?

Real Mature.


1: I only vaguely know what that means. Thank you, internet.

2: To answer this question, I’ve made a couple of small changes to the blog. Firstly, links are now Purple. Cool, I know. Secondly, I have the most useless Contact page in the history of the internet. Use it well.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

This blog post…

Is pretty much 100% about Pokemon. So don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Now, I haven’t even been playing Pokemon White1 for very long, but it’s already gotten kind of weird. Firstly, there’s the whole idea of Pokemon.

To start with, you've got the whole technological problem, You have these advanced devices like the pokeball and pokedex, but no cars or anything.

Secondly, the people there are barbaric. Almost everyone, from small children to old ladies are solely interested in battling their Pokemon. It’s absolutely bizarre.

Anyway, the new games make things even weirder, because they start questioning their own games. Right near the start of the game, they introduce Team Plasma, who come in saying they want to liberate Pokemon from their aforementioned barbaric trainers.

I mean, that sounds like a good cause. When you first see them, you’re really not sure if they’re the bad guys or not.

Of course, being a Pokemon game, that just won’t work out. I mean, the first generation’s villains’ sole purpose was causing trouble (and making it double).

So the game quickly takes Team Plasma and their good cause, and smashes it into a thousand pieces. Seriously. They turn these guys into the biggest douches.

Within a few minutes of introducing them, they start robbing little girls, stealing from museums, and they even kick a Pokemon. Wow. Like, that’s just bad.

And I picked Snivy, in case you were wondering.










Haters gonna hate.


1- My friend bought Black, so I had to get white. I had no choice in the matter.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Apples to Apples to Apples to Apples

Well, there was no beating up people’s beloved pets and then taking their money. Unfortunate, I know. Turns out I just have too many games on the go at once. I still haven’t beaten Red Dead Redemption. Or AC: Brotherhood. Or Mass Effect 2. Or Dragon Age. I could go on for hours.

I did, however, get to play some Apples to Apples.


And soon I will play a LOT of Apples to Apples.

That there is the party edition. Over 1000 cards. That’s a lot of Apples. Too many apples, even. There is room for some very dangerous, crass combinations.

This is a game where you can match Funerals with Hilarious and win.

Ah well, As long as it has Beowulf and a Rock ‘em Sock ‘em Robots cards, then we’re all good.


But that is not the only thing that is noteworthy as of this writing. Today for breakfast I had Cinnabon Cereal. Whaaaaaaat.

cinnabon cereal

Cinnamon Toast Crunch has nothing on this.

I’m about to go have it for lunch too.

And also dinner.


And finally, a shoutout to my friend Coey for his birthday.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

In which I post things that are interesting.

First, we’ll start off with the best bedroom ever.


Somewhere in the world is the raddest kid ever. Or he’s some spoiled jerk, who laughs at people who sleep in normal beds in normal rectangular rooms.

Either way, I’m pretty mad.

The other very very important piece of news is that there are new Pokemon games.

Last year, this would not have been good news. In fact, it wasn’t. This comic explains this.


That is the main thing.

The other thing is that the games are named Black and White. Which transfers over to racial jokes very easily.

Too easily.

Now excuse me as I go capture cute creatures in tiny balls and force them to battle one another. After I find somebody and knock out their pets, I’m going to take their money.

Because that’s how it works.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

The Skech Case

So today was the second day with my hair cut.

The thing I head the most was, “Oh, did you get a hair cut?”

Normally, this is a legit avenue of inquiry. In this situation?

Not so much.

The last thing you want to hear after losing a vast quantity of hair is nothing.

There was a lot of nothing today.

I think I’m having a hairt attack.


Now back to the Skech case.

Today, my friend dropped his iPhone. Uh oh.

Whatever, we think. It has a phone case on it, it’s not a big deal.

He picks it up. The case is still quite intact, and so is the phone.

But when he tried to turn it on, it didn’t quite work.

Well, everything worked except for the display. You can still lock and unlock it, and my friend was actually able to make a phone call. In fact, the touch screen seems to work perfectly fine.

“Give it to me,” I say, “My magical hands will bring this phone back to life!”

They didn’t.

While I was handling it though, I noticed the case said Skech on it.

It’s a sketch case. A sketchy Skech case.

This brought out a deep, hearty, laugh from me.

My friend didn’t join in on my laughter, because he has no sense of humour, but that is a different matter.

Moral of the story: Skech cases are sketchy cases.

Unless it’s pronounced Skeck. In which case none of this is funny.


Also, I couldn`t find any images of the case in question, but I did find some etch-a-sketch cases.


No word on if these are as sketchy though.