In which I get sick and review games.

I’m not sure what made me sick. It was probably taxes.

Yes I do my taxes in a sombrero.

Anyway, most of my illness was a pretty hefty fever. At one point, I took my temperature, and it was so hot that the thermometer shattered.

So then I had a fever and mercury poisoning.

And that left me too lazy to get up. So, I ended up playing a lot of xbox Arcade Games. And now I am going to review them so that you don’t make the mistake of going out and buying UNO.

First Game: Pac-Man Championship Edition: DE

This is the game I played the majority of the time. Mostly because I was pretty freaking good at it. Now, it’s not really even Pac-Man. Only the graphics are the same; it doesn’t play like Pac-Man at all. More like Snake 4.0.

So, it may not be your typical Pac-Man experience, but damnit is this game ever fun. There’s something insanely satisfying about devouring 90 ghosts in a row.

And the leaderboards are done really well, giving you a ranking right away that is generated by comparing you to other players. So if you’re in the top 10% of players, you get an A rank, 20% will net you a B rank, etc.

My score attack is in the top percentage of score attacks.

Overall, I’d say this one gets a solid 90 flashing ghosts/ 100.

 

Second Game: Torchlight

This one I got just out of pure craving for Diablo. It’s basically just a straight Diablo ripoff and a mad lootfest.There are plenty of randomly generated dungeons and such, but it all feels like grinding after a while. Also the fact that there’s no multiplayer really kills it. That was the most alluring feature in Diablo, so it’s weird that they didn’t throw it in here.

Another problem I had was occasional freezing. It always started working again after a few seconds but it happened quite a few times, and got a little annoying.

Aside from those few quirks, it’s still a fun little game that shows quite a bit of polish.

I’ll give it 6 randomly generated dungeons out of 10.

Third Game: Uno Rush

Now, I know what you’re thinking. UNO? Is that even a real game? Why do I even have this?

Okay, that’s just what I’m thinking.

Well, I was going to spend the points on Portal, but apparently I missed the sale. UNO was on sale instead, so I bought that.

And regretted it.

It was fun for a while, but there were just a few things that frustrated me as a gamer.

Firstly, the rules for calling UNO are BS when playing with computers. Sometimes they won’t call UNO at all, and you can just challenge them right away, giving them extra cards. Then other times they’ll call it so blindingly fast that there’s nothing you can do. The same applies to when they try to challenge you.

You end up just mashing your controller like a madman.

The second major problem I had was that those f*^&ers work against you. They’ll use their wildcards just to screw you over, or to let the other computers win.

And third was the general lack of control over gameplay. I’m used to games where if I lose it’s my fault. In this one, you can go an entire game without ever getting a turn, or when you do, you can just not have any cards to play because you’re just not getting dealt them.

Rantrantrant.

Naturally, UNO is a party game anyway, so it’s most fun when you’re playing with other people. Unfortunately, the learning curve on this one is pretty high, so it takes a while for new people to grasp the controls, and the game goes by too fast to really explain it to them.

If you couldn’t tell by now, I didn’t really like this one.

Also I swore more while playing it than I did in Ninja Gaiden 2.

Overall, this one gets 3.5 blindingly fast cheating double-teaming two-faced rude jerk-headed computers out of 10.

 

Maybe I’ll actually play some disc-based games now.

Also I could not be sick anymore.