Merry Christmas/Happy New Year!

I’m writing this in between, as I’ve been pretty busy lately. Not only with Holidays, but with writing a book. I’ll tackle those one at a time.

Actually my Holidays weren’t very Noteworthy, as It was just my immediate family. The majority of my time has been spent playing Kinect.¹

So much Dance Central….

Anyways, The book. I started it a few weeks ago… (About when the blog posts stopped) and I’ve written 5 chapters and over 7000 words since then!

So that’s why I haven’t been bombarding you with delightful pictures and quality foot-note-based humour.

I’m terribly, terribly sorry. You’ll just have to wait for the book.

It’ll be worth it.

^{1) For the Record, Dance Central is the best ever, Kinect Sports and Kinect Adventures are fun, but Deca Sports Freedom is terrible. We could barely even work the menus while playing it. Luckily, My friend got it for Christmas and not me.}

Sayingsbuster.

(Like Mythbusters, But faster and funnier, I promise. Now rant:)
Seriously?
Sayings?
Old people? Really?
I don't even know where to get started.
Okay, "The early bird gets the worm.":
Makes sense at first, but then you flip it. What does this mean for worms? Is there more than one worm? Really, there's only one? Eff that. Some people like worms.
No. So, there's more than one worm, this is a fact. So does the early worm get eaten? Does that mean that the worm that sleeps in and goes to work at 3 is good to go? Well now I want to just sleep in all my life.

"Sorry career +lifelong ambitions, don't think we'll work out. You're just going to get eaten."-- Worms, on life.

And that's just the start. Like, "Swim within 30 minutes of eating and you'll get cramps"? Shut up. No really, shut up. Get your own blog. (Seriously. It's not that hard. (Obviously))

And finally: "You attract more flies with honey than with vinegar."
Did you just go there? Wow.
First of all, flies are bad. If you're attracting flies, you're probably a comic-villain made of flies. And that's not cool.
And then you know what attracts flies more than honey?
Shit. Shit attracts flies.
And no one likes shit, or flies.
I have a new saying for people that aren't 80 years old:

"Be nice or people will HATE you."

Not copyrighted, not trademarked: spread the word.


Our Generation definitely needs to get in here and kick some generational sayings off the table.
In the comments, Make up a saying that actually makes sense, make a suggestion for more sayings that I can rip apart, Or post some pictures of my Flyman Comic book villain. This blog post is lacking subnotes and pictures. That's what happens when you post from computers that aren't your own.

Gratitude!

Okay, this isn't really worth a blog post, so I'm going to write it, and then bump it down a few posts.
And okay, maybe the only reason I don't like it is because it's too positive.
Anyway, Story Time:

So; let me paint you a picture. I'm hanging out with a few friends. I leave my car in an indeterminate parking lot. Unlocked. (Now let me just say, I live in a small town, this isn't a huge deal. You don't expect people to steal stuff around here, you know?)

So we watch a movie, and return to the cars. I get in, pleased as punch (another stupid saying) and go to turn on some music.
Ipod. Gone.
Check my Glove compartment, my Xbox supplies are gone. (This consisted of my 120gb HDD and AC:Brotherhood, for the sole reason that I was going to a friend's house to play xBox after the movie.)

Yes. Everything was gone. This was quite upsetting.
Especially because all 3 of my frisbees were still there. Seriously? Are frisbees not cool anymore?
At this point, I got mad, because they stole my ipod touch, and not one of my frisbees. So, I did the most reasonable thing. I threw the cheapest frisbee as hard as I could, expecting it to fail and just fall.
It didn't. In fact, it flew quite nicely. This would have been great, if not for the fact that now it wasn't a cheap frisbee, and I had to run and get it back. I ran and got it, still pissed off, and threw if back to our cars. It hit my friend's car and broke. Yep. Awesome. Glad I got it back. (I still have it, not sure if it'll fly again. Long-live the free bank-ad frisbee. :'( )

So now I am having a terrible, terrible night. I decided not to go to my friend's house, and just to remain home. I almost tailed some guy to his house, thinking that he was the thief. Such was my paranoia and anger. (Seriously though, it was 2am on a Thursday, who's outside except thieves and people getting robbed, right?)

Instead I returned home, and called the cops. (Non-emergency number, don't worry, I know people are dying and need to use the phone.) I also looked up if there was ways to track HDD's and Gamertags and ipod touches if they were connected to the internet (I was desperate at this point, what can I say?) to no avail.
I eventually passed out around 7am, writing off my ipod and xbox hobby forever.
I woke up around 11, and did some stuff to become human again (shower, eat, etc.) and hung out with Girlfriend.

At around 1pm, I get a call from the cops. They've found my stuff in a pawn shop! Hurrah!
(Around this time, I was sitting on the couch with Girlfriend. Since I only had one hand free, I did the only thing I knew to do: Reach out for a "pound-it".
...
Girlfriend did so reluctantly.)

Anyway, to sum it up, Police Officers do other things than just give people speeding tickets. They are actually very nice, and do their best to help people that are in trouble. So if you have a law-worthy problem; theft; abuse/assault; copyright infringement; any serious problem, really; take it to the police. They're not as bad as you might think they are.

If you read this all, you know why I bumped it back. It was just way too nice.
Although, to make this more substantial, I found this picture of this cat in a toque.


Edit: I re-read this and don't know why I bumped it back. Right below my rant post it goes.

Okay, I’m on the snow bandwagon.

When winter first set in, I was pissed. It’s freaking cold, snow sucks, and it’s freaking cold.

Plus I deliver pizzas for a living, so when it’s freaking cold, it’s freaking cold everywhere.

Then after Harry Potter last week, I realized that snow is pretty cool. It’s beautiful, you can build things with it, and it’s freaking cold. Which is damn cool. (Haha… ha.)

Anyway, I live in some snowy, remote village in the peaks of the Selkirk mountain range. Which means we get lots of snow. And man, was I ever terrified of driving in the snow. Then I realized it’s not that bad, so long as you’re not ridiculous.

Then I thought, hm. I’m going to try drifting. And I did. And then I became ridiculous. Right now, I’d say my ratio of drifts would be:

5 Eff yeah!’s : 7 yeah!’s : 5 well damn’s : 3 OH S$^# F^#@’s

See, the learning process was made a bit harder due to the fact that my car doesn’t have power steering. I didn’t think it was a big deal, well, It is.

It makes it a lot harder to steer with one hand, which is what you’re doing, when you are drifting.

The 3 obscenities up there belong to my first wipe out, my second wipe out where I took out some ferns, and my last, very recent wipe out which very nearly involved a pole. This pole also happens to be quite near my house. So I jogged back and got pictures!

Very, very nearly involved a pole. I was about an inch away. It did involve me getting stuck on a foot high bank, and being unable to open my driver door; thus forcing me to crawl out my passenger door and push my car up the hill so it had traction again. Eff yeah.

I did however, learn something:

“Don’t try drifting on straight stretches without power steering. It just doesn’t work. Corners are fine.” – The great philosopher, me.

Also I have too much time on my hands, due to procrastinating schoolwork¹,so I’m going to start posting cool things that I Stumble Upon^tm.

Link of right now: These people “talk” by whistling.

^{1. Because you can’t quite get up from your computer and straight up leave, then you feel bad. So what happens is you sit on your computer and just attempt to do work. When faced with Accounting vs. Internet, Accounting always wins, because it’s the best thing and it is so fun.}

Call me genius, or call me crazy.

But either way, I’m definitely nocturnal.

So I went to the midnight showing of Harry Potter. One line review:

It’s a good movie, but Hedwig and Dobbie die, so I hate it. I’ll give it 4 and a half out of 5 dead owls.

Anyway, so the movie got out at around 2:20am, I made it home around 2:35. So what’s the first thing I do when I get home? No, I didn’t play video games, and no, I didn’t go to sleep. (Which is obvious if you looked at the time stamp, which you should always, ALWAYS do first.)

I built… Wait for it.

…

I built a snowman. Yeah. At 3:00am.

His name is Dobwig, in memory of those we lost today.

Bedtime?

Yes.

So birthdays suck…

…after you turn 13. Excluding 16, 17, and 19. And 18, if you live in Alberta, or if you’re into voting, but who does that right?¹

(16 you can start learning to drive, 17 you can drive on your own, 18 sucks, and 19 is legal drinking age.)

I mean, when you’re a kid, birthdays are just the best thing. There’s balloons, and streamers, and presents, and cake! Oh, so much cake. And best of all, it’s all about you. For the anniversary of your birth, you are the only thing that matters ever (does not include, and is limited to, a 24 hour period).                                         And life is great.

Then you become a pre-teen, and everything is still pretty good. There’s still cake, and presents. But ugh! The social interaction! This is just an awkward time, boys starting to like girls, the conflict of spending the time with your friends vs. your family starts to arise, and you’re just stuck in a grey area between being a kid and being a teenager. What do you do now? Are you still the same person? Is Digimon still cool?²

(And the voice cracks. Don’t even get me started on the disgusting noises that came from my face around that time.)

Then you were a young teenager. You either got drunk (off 3 beer) or played video games. I’m not going to even begin to talk about the amazing adventures that I had. But suffice to say, they were pretty cool.

If you didn’t do either of those things, then you were boring. Or female. Or gay. Or maybe you just didn’t like video games or beer. All I know is it’s probably one of those things.

Anyway, to the moral of the story: I turned 18. There was no cake³, there were no nicely wrapped presents. At least in my case, as soon as you turn 18, cake=beer, and nicely wrapped presents=money. Don’t get me wrong, my birthday was fun, but damnit if I couldn’t go for some leftover cake right now.

MS Paint Equation time!

Now this sucks, I know. But don’t be upset. I have the solutions. Right here. Never before seen. Ever.

“And who the hell puts presents in bags? Especially bags that you got for your last birthday/Christmas/Chinese new year? Really? You know what you’re getting for your birthday? A god damn gift card.” – The great philosopher of our generation, Me.

^{1. And if you’re sitting there thinking, “Man. This guy is so ignorant, I mean, who doesn’t vote?” Well to that I say: have fun being selected for juror duty, peasant.}

^{2. Just to clarify: Yes, Digimon was still cool.}

^{3. Notice there was no easy “Cake is a lie” joke. That’s called integrity.}

More Minecraft!

 

Wonderful.

This one is just a quick walk through of how to get Minecraft skins to work, as it comes with no explanation, and required some tinkering.
Blah, blah, blah.

First you get to this screen via the main menu: (It’s not exactly hidden)

Then from there, click “Open texture pack folder”, which will bring up this:

The texture pack folder should be empty, unless you’ve tried this before. As you can see, the Minecraft client reads images from .zip files, so we should probably get some of those.

You can try the painterly pack, or the Legend of Zelda Overhaul.

Here’s the only real speedbump. Most of the texture packs were made for people manually swapping out the default image files, so they just contain a folder full of all of the images, inside of the .zip folder. That sounds more complicated than it really is. Basically, the .zip folder should just contain the folders for each section, eg armor, art, gui, etc. and then the specific texture files, char.png, clouds.png, and whatnot.

These should be immediately visible and not inside another folder.

For example:

If you’ve done that, they should appear in the texture pack menu. Highlight one, click done, go play Minecraft.

Seriously, go.

Oh goodness.

 

My Minecraft game looks like Zelda now.

This is the end of me.

Tell my goldfish I love him, but I had to go somewhere far away.

The most exciting news you’ll hear while reading this.

Blog has a new design. It’s much simpler, with a less gaudy background.

Simpler too, but now it looks like no one lives here. Like one of those houses where everyone makes sure to never touch the walls ever.

Damn it.

I need a header. Someone who can wield a pencil for more than 2 minutes without somehow stabbing themselves (unlike me) should make me a header.

 

In other news, the blog will actually have some substance soon, because one of my friends got a camera for his birthday, and wants to play photographer.

It’s okay though, because I’m going to show him this:

And let him know to use obscure angles and black and white/sepia filters.

We’re golden!

Minute-long MS Paint contest!

Edit: Unreliable poll is unreliable.
A wins.


The subject: My Haggard 323.

A pic.

Text Reads "This is my car.
Known as Bonesaw, Shitbox, or even Shitsaw.
But mostly Bonesaw."
I then go one to point out that while it has one hubcap left, duct tape on my car, and is a hatchback, it no longer sounds like it eats children!

B Pic

C Pic

Life is good?

So it's official.
My blog is now solely about my car.
It sounds wonderful again!
For now.

Also my Halloween costume fell through. I made the mistake of showering yesterday, and now don't have enough grease to gel my hair straight up, in a comic Nikola Tesla fashion.
Oh well.

This is the worst blog.
Read this instead.
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/
This is a really funny thing.
And everybody should read it.

Car is a demon (again).

That’s right, my little 323 is once again one of the loudest cars in town, and definitely the loudest Mazda.

But until I get it fixed (again) I’ve decided to look on the bright side of things, and make a list about why having a disgustingly loud car is a good thing.

 

1. Lower chance of getting in an accident. Nobody can run into me if they know exactly where I am from a mile away.

2. People always know when I’m at their house. No giving old people heart attacks.

3. People think I’m cool. “Look at that whippersnapper, with his loud car. What a cool punk ass kid.”

 

And yeah, that’s all I’ve got.

More searching…

This time, it’s for a door.

“I grew up in a college town, and one Halloween our doorbell rang and we opened the door expecting to see trickortreater—but what was in front of our open door—was another door! Like, a full-on wooden door, that had a sign that said “Please knock.” So we did, and the door swung open to reveal a bunch of college dudes dressed as really old grandmothers, curlers in their hair, etc, who proceeded to coo over our “costumes” and tell us we were “such cute trick or treaters!” One even pinched my cheek. Then THEY gave US candy, closed their door, picked it up and walked to the next house. MLIA”

This.

This is why I need a door.

But it turns out that most people don’t have a spare door sitting around.

A Quick Minecraft Tutorial:

 

Also don’t touch lava, and don’t designate me to build the shelter.

New Name!

For the blog, not me.

Decided Limited Ledger was too stiff, and accounting-like.

I thought it was a clever pun of General Ledger, but then I found out a Limited Ledger is actually a thing. So, for now we shall go by…

…

Clockwork Proxy.

So far, 7/7 critics agree (with some persua$ion) that this is a better name.

Dear World…

 

Perogies are the best food. Pizza is good too.

Mr. Jones is the best song, but Sugar Ray is the best band.

Yes Man is the best movie, just because of how uplifting it is.

Google is and will always be the best search engine.

And red lights should be treated as stop signs.

Thank you,

Dylan.

It feels like I’ve been gone a while..

But it’s really only been a day. It’s a weird feeling going far away from home, but being back only a day or two after you left. I guess you’d get used to it, but I’m usually not up to take a day trip to a place 3 or 4 hours away.

You know those trips, the ones where you’re on the road for longer than you’re out of the car.

In my case, it was Abbottsford, for a wedding. Seven hours there, seven hours back. Had a few hours Saturday morning to hang out at the mall, (where I managed to find Etrian Odyssey 3) and then we went straight to the ceremony. Hour break to get food and visit Girlfriend’s mom. Back for the reception. Went home and played Etrian Odyssey until my DS died¹, and then to bed. Woke up at god-knows-o’clock to get on the road. I wasn’t fully conscious until we stopped at Tim Horton’s to get food. This is also where we saw a crazy meth guy, freaking out because he had spiders in his coat.

(Then again, he was pretty dirty, so maybe he really did. Awesome.)

We made it back around 2 pm. It feels like I’ve been gone a lot longer, but I really haven’t. It also feels like it’s really late. I’m usually not up before the sun.

 

1. This wasn’t actually a bad thing because the game is actually hard. I was just running around drawing a sweet-ass map when BAM, some freaking Durians come out and start beating on me.

Fruit. Killing my party of a Ninja, a Pirate, an armoured spearman, a Taoist Monk, and a Scientific Magician. I finished the fight pretty quickly, and was like, “Oh, Tycho was wrong, this game isn’t that hard at all.”

Then I realized that it was the first fight.

On the first floor.

Against a fruit.

Let me paint you a picture…

A friend and I are in the woods. We’re on top of a fairly large hill, with a nice flat plateau at the top. We have no idea where we are, or where we should go, and darkness is approaching.

“Build a basic shelter,” he says. “I’m going to make some torches.”

So construction begins. I realize that we only have so much material, so I dig a hole, and begin building up the sides for shelter. By now, night is falling quickly. “Where are you?!” I hear my friend yell, obviously lost. I guide him back to our “base”, where construction is at a standstill.

This is the part where we start hearing noises…

It is too dark to go gather more materials to finish the shelter, so we wait in fear, as we listen to the noises around our high point. This continues for a while, and I fear the noises are drawing closer.

Finally, curiosity wins out, and I emerge from the hole, (with some difficulty) to see if I can find out what is making the noises. As I peer down the side of our hill, I see shapes moving below. I try to tell myself they are only animals, some nocturnal creatures that we missed in our earlier excursions; but I know they are not.

I hear them clearly now. Guttural, unholy growls.

They stop for a second.

I’ve been spotted.

I run back to the hole, hoping against hope that they are unable to get into our shelter.

I am wrong.

My friend is cursing now, wishing he had stayed to build the shelter instead of me.

This is where we find out that my shelter is actually a death trap. Everything can get in, but it’s near impossible to get out.

The shapes come over the hill, and into the hole.

We realize now what they truly are.

Zombies.

We fight them off, but they will not die. We can not escape, for that would mean turning our back to them. It is all we can do to stop them from eating us.

This continues for several minutes, until we realize that they are unable to hurt us as well. That’s when we heard one say, in a threatening, strangely human tone, stark against the previous groans:

“Wait

For

Beta.”

More Information on Republic Medias..

So I’ve actually gotten a few emails about being featured when the site goes live, but I didn’t actually specify what to send me. So, here goes:

Republic Medias is a site for developing artists to get their work out, and consequently for people to find new art/music/writing.

If you want to be featured when the art goes live, email deviant.alibi@gmail.com with:

A piece of your work, (preferably the piece that will be shown on our home page.)

And a short bio of yourself/your group.

I’ll be sure to get back to everyone, and give you some say as we design the site. (Tools, layout, design, etc.)

So my car exploded…

Well, it’s not quite as dramatic as that. And there’s actually a short story behind it.

So my Mazda 323, which is for the most part a good car, has just had a troublesome tailpipe since I got it. It’s loose, rattles, and has is actually broken in half at one point.

So this… was barely tolerable. It was noisy, inefficient, just plain annoying, but I put up with it for a while because I just didn’t have the time to jack my car up and fix it.

Finally, after a few months of owning the car, I got around to patching up the hole. Car sounded wonderful, all was well.

Then the whole thing fell off.

So until I actually get it replaced, my little hatchback sounds like a demon.

So about that there Minecraft…

One of the most fun games I’ve played in a while, by far. Just the amount of simple creation is amazing. I’m sure most people have played it by now, but for those who haven’t, picture lego but life-sized.

Also, Zombies.

Anyways, the point of this post was to whine about the fact that torches will soon disappear. This will make my mine dark, and scary again. There will be zombies, and I will die. Possibly many times.

Let me emphasize that: Not only dark, but also scary.

I hear in the next update, if you mine for too long, you get Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.

Tips for Tipping:

I’m just thinking about this as I’m about to go to work, but most people don’t know how much to tip the delivery boy. So I’m going to lay down a play by play for tip amounts.

$1: A dollar? This is pretty rare, usually just a keep-the-change type tip, or from the places people go to get killed.

$2- Lower end of a typical tip. For small orders or if you live close to the restaurant.

$3-$4: These are your general tips. Nothing too special about them.

$5: This is your best common tip. Usually what everyone tips on Fridays, because they’re having fun, and I’m stuck at work.

$6-9: These tips are just nice to get. Friendly people give these.

$10- These tips are from big orders that we share with the chefs, friends, and generally awesome people. These tips seem to get more common on Friday and Saturday nights after beer o’clock.

$20- Gotten these twice over the year I’ve worked as a pizza boy. These are for those orders. The huge ones. The orders where we have to break out the big bag.

$30- This is where clothes come off.

What is this I don’t even…

So I watched Get Him to the Greek the other night. It really wasn’t that funny at all. Just another movie where people get really fucked up and do random stuff. I find movies like that are only funny when I’m drunk, after I’ve already had my fun. They always strike me as “Why don’t you just go out and get drunk yourself.” I figure I could go have a night with 1/2 the shenanigans of a “drinking movie”, and with none of the drama.

In another point, why do most new comedies have so much drama? I want to watch a comedy to laugh and have a good time. I don’t need contemplative reflections on the loneliness of being a rockstar. You make tons of money to get wasted all the time. If that’s so terrible, find a new job. They’re always looking for McDonalds employees.

I figure I’ll just go direct my own movie, and document some of the things we do while drunk. It will include such activities as “Drawing moustaches on the drunkest kids” and “Singing 80’s rock/pop songs as loud as we possibly can.”

Apparently there’s a market for it.

The Main Problem…

With living in a small town, is it’s impossible to find things. Any things, really. We have 4 clothing stores within our 3 city radius, some grocery stores, a Wal-Mart, a Zellers, and a ton of fast food.

Survivable, yes. Enjoyable? Not so much.

After looking around for a day (the time it takes to go literally everywhere in our area), I couldn’t find Etrian Odyssey 3 anywhere. All I want is a game that’s inhumanely hard. Is that so much to ask?

Dear Kbs

In regards to your slogan:

"It's like someone broke into your house, stole all your CD's, and made a radio station."

Firstly, that's breaking and entering, and theft; and is not only frowned upon, but also illegal. If I actually had any CD's to steal, I would be very upset, as the radio is much less convenient than CD usage. This also leads me into my second point:

The only "Compact Discs" in my household are Video Games, Music from when I was 12, and most horribly, my families'. I am forced to sit through enough terrible music when my family uses their CD's, I don't need to hear it the occasional times (like this week) when my ipod transmitter, ipod, or any other stereo device in my car is out of order. It's punishing.

A better ad would be, "It's like someone broke into your house, hacked your computer, and put all your downloaded music¹ on an external hard drive!" Also it wouldn't be said in a terrible advertiser voice. Even then, I would have to put up with all the advertisements, and would still much rather rip all the music to my computer, and arrange it as I pleased, but alas! My CD's were stolen.

No matter how you look at it, this is a very upsetting circumstance. 

Please rectify this, and replace it with something that isn't terrible, a.k.a. no more soundboards! Also if you could work together with Mountain FM, to ensure that one of you is always playing a good song, or something that is at least tolerable, that would be wonderful.

Your unfortunate listener,

Dylan Gedig

P.S.- Sugar Ray is still cool.

Introduction!

First blog post, here we go.

I’m really just killing some time before work. Not that I have that much time to kill. Between College, work, friendships, relationships, and trying to get something extra going (A website of some kind), it’s been pretty busy recently. I do have stuff I could be studying, and an economics assignment to work on, but hey, it’s Friday. Actually I do have to work on that.

Maybe after I upload my starter posts.

And link my recently re-discovered Twitter.

And think of a clever-er title for the blog.

Yeah, I’ll just do it tomorrow.